now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
