giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
