Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
