the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
