ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
