paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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