I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
