so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
