I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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