Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
