i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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