Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
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