Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
