Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
