im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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