omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
