I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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