Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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