are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
