I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
