I must be too annoying 4 u.
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
