maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
