She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
