I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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