do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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