can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
