i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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