im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Is it penis luge time yet?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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