I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
