when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
