I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
