Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
