is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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