what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
