I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
