u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
