dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
