forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
