Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
