Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
