what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
