The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She bit a glass in half.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
