I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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