naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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