I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
