I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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