Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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