I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
