I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
