Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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