so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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