It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
