Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
